Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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