Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
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my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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