it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
