I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
