tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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