do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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