Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
