why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Dicks are not precious.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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