Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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