I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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