Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Randomize
