Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
