she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
