If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
