You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
