It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
