My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
