thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
