I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
