That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
