I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
