Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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