I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
