just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
