Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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