you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
