The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
