I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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