The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
