My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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