Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
