I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
