We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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