I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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