It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
