quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
