Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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