so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
