Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Randomize
