i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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