Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
