seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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