How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
