Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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