Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
