yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Randomize
