Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
