May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
