so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
