He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
