Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
