I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Last time i carry you out of a forest
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
