I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
