first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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